Marian the Librarian
by Oxymoronic Alliteration
Summary: Tony falls for a woman he never imagined would be his type.


Like many people, Tony had grown up with the idea that librarians were homely women with bad hair, thick glasses, unibrows, ill-fitting clothing, and snaggleteeth. It was a misconception he'd kept in his mind from childhood through to that fateful day when he'd made a quick stop in the library near his apartment to see if they had a copy of _The Maltese Falcon_. He'd seen the movie version, of course, but had never had the urge to read the book (to be honest he hadn't even known there was a book until Ducky mentioned it to him). McGee kept harping on him, reminding him that "the book is always better than the movie," so he finally gave in and decided to give it a try.

When he'd entered the library, he was met by an eerie, almost cold silence. _Some fun_, he thought wryly. He didn't see what the big fuss was over these things; just a bunch of people reading.

He wove his way through the book shelves, making his way toward the mystery section. He didn't quite understand the library system, but it wasn't too difficult to track down the book, and not a moment too soon. The place was starting to give him the creeps.

The line to check-out was longer than he would have thought; apparently this reading thing was catching on. He rocked back and forth impatiently as he waited for the people in front of him—a harried mother with two children and an armful of books, a middle-aged woman with a small stack of romance novels, some pencil-neck teen with a sci-fi book as large as a dictionary, and an elderly man with a couple of classic novels—to finish up and move on. Finally, the last person moved to the side and Tony stepped forward…and nearly dropped the book.

"Can I help you?" That's what the gorgeous woman asked as he neared. Her blonde hair fell around her face and brushed against her shoulders, curling slightly near the ends. She wore no glasses, her eyebrows were separate and kempt, and he couldn't see a tooth out of place. The neck of her light blue top dipped into a V just above her breasts. It wasn't a vulgar glimpse of cleavage, but it was enough of one to catch Tony's eyes.

"Sir?" He looked up, not realizing he'd been staring. "Have you made your selection?"

Wordlessly, Tony handed the book to her, along with his library card. She took them, swiped his card, scanned the code on the book, and printed the slip of paper with the due date. "It's due back July 21st," she said, handing the items back to him.

But Tony didn't move. She raised an eyebrow. "Is there something else I can get you?"

Upon hearing the question, he slipped directly into his suave, ladies' man persona. "How about your number?" he asked, adding a wink for good measure.

She simply lifted an eyebrow. "If you have nothing else, please move along, sir."

It was a blow to his ego, but Tony kept an even keel. He gathered his things, gave her a perfunctory nod, and headed for the exit. He was down, but he wasn't out. Already his mind was racing with the possibilities.

* * *

Tony's next visit to the library was two weeks later. He'd finished the book (begrudgingly admitting that it was quite good) and was set to return it; he only hoped the gorgeous librarian would be there again.

He was in luck.

She was pushing a cart of returned books down the aisle of the romance section. He noticed the black pencil skirt she wore and, more specifically, how her shapely legs looked in it. Paired with her crisp white blouse, the ensemble was more along the lines of what he imagined librarians wearing, but somehow he still found it sexy. Then again, he figured she could make a potato sack sexy.

"Miss!" Tony called out.

"Shh!" another librarian—one who fit Tony's mental image of librarians to a T—responded sternly. He threw up his hands in defense of her hushing and shot her threw her an apologetic look.

"Can I help you?" the hot librarian asked. She obviously didn't recognize him.

"I sure hope so. I'm trying to find something but I'm having a bit of difficulty."

She smiled politely. "Well, I know this library pretty well? Could you tell me what it is you're looking for?"

"A date, preferably with an attractive blonde."

The smile fell from her face. "Is this a joke?"

"I never joke about dates. So should I pick you up after work?"

She pushed past him, muttering, "Sir, I have work to do. If you have a real problem, find me, but otherwise please stay out of my way."

"Maybe we can grab lunch?" he asked as she walked off. She didn't reply, but the question did earn him another warning from the other librarian.

* * *

Tony could only hope that third time would be the charm as he entered the library a couple of weeks later. He's not ashamed to admit he'd had Tim crack into the library's servers and get the employee schedule so he'd know when hot librarian was working.

Sure enough, there she was, standing behind the desk, this time donning a royal purple sleeveless turtleneck and grey slacks. Her blonde hair was clipped up into a twist, though a few tendrils had managed to escape its grip and swept across the nape of her neck.

He wondered if she would recognize him.

"You again," she groaned after catching sight of him. "Are you actually here for something?"

"Of course!" he said with a vulpine grin.

She was rightfully dubious. "Well, okay then. What are you looking to take out?"

"You."

Her expression turned from dubious to sour. "Again with the jokes!"

"It's no joke, I honestly want to take you out."

But she was having none of it. She turned on her heel and began walking toward the shelves with an armful of books. Tony hastened behind her, determined not to give up. "At the risk of sounding conceited, I know a lot of girls who'd like to go out on a date with me. I admit I'm not the most well-read guy, but I'll read _War and Peace_ and _Gone with the Wind_ cover-to-cover if it means you'll grab some coffee with me."

"Why me?" she asked without turning to look at him. She stacked book after book upon the shelf, slamming each one down harder than the last.

"What?"

"Like you say, there are plenty of women out there who would gladly fall at your feet for a chance at a date. Why are you wasting your time with some librarian?"

He shimmied his way between the bookshelf and her, forcing himself into her line of vision. "Hey, hey, no need to get all up in arms. I think you're attractive! Is that so wrong?"

She turned away and moved to another area of the aisle. But Tony wasn't giving up so easily. "Can you at least tell me your name?"

"Marian, okay?" she snapped.

He grinned. "And what would you say, Marian, if I told you I'm going to sing at the top of my lungs until you agree to go on a date with me?"

She stopped, obviously intrigued, but not willing to give in. "Sing?" she asked, one eyebrow raised. "I think you're bluffing."

"Do you now?" he asked, matching her expression. "Last chance to give in."

Marian said nothing.

"You are so beautiful to me," he crooned at a low volume. "You are so beautiful, can't you see?" he continued, increasing in volume with each word.

"Okay, I get the point," Marian said.

But Tony was on a roll. "You're everything I hope for! You're everything I need!"

"You need to be quiet," she hissed, though he saw the beginning of a smile forming on her face.

"You are so beautiful…to meeeeeeeee!" he ended at top volume. "So will you go out with me, or do I have to keep going? Because I've got tons of songs!" As he said that, he placed his hand on the nearby book cart and leaned all of his weight against it. The cart moved beneath him and he suddenly found himself on the floor, watching as the cart wheeled off toward a display of the newest additions to the library. With a bang and a crash, books flew everywhere and the cart fell over onto its side.

A crowd of library patrons ran to see what all the ruckus was about, as did a couple of librarians, including the stern one who had shushed Tony the last time he was there. She turned her steely gaze to him as he lay there on the ground.

"You!" she snarled. "Up!"

"I'm sorry, really," he said as he quickly got to his feet. "It was an accident."

"Out!" she yelled, pointing toward the door. "And stay out!"

"But-!"

"Out!"

He sighed, but didn't argue. With his hands in his pockets, Tony shuffled out the door. He knew when he was beat. At least he could say he'd tried.

"Hey!"

Tony turned and saw Marian standing in the doorway with a small smile on her face. In her hand she held a small slip of paper which she offered out to him. "Don't you want this?"

"What's that? A bill for the damages?" he asked dryly.

"It's my number. Now do you want it or not?"

He approached her uncertainly, but took it. "I thought you didn't like me."

"A girl's allowed to have a change of heart, isn't she?" She glanced back into the library. "I've got to get back to work, but I get off at five. There's a sushi place a few blocks away that I've been dying to try."

"Uh, yeah, sounds great," he said, still in a slight daze by the strange turn of events.

"Great." She leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. "I'll see you there."

"Right," he replied as she retreated back into the library. He twirled the little piece of paper between his fingers. Had that really just happened? Funny how a person could go from being down to being on top in a matter of seconds. Just when a guy thinks he's out, he gets a last minute reprieve.

With a small spring in his step, Tony continued on his way down the street, satisfied in the knowledge that his past few weeks of scheming and planning had not been fruitless. It had taken more effort than he was used to exerting, but that night he had a date with Marian the librarian.


End file.
